Things My Mother Said; And a Side Dish

My mother has an affinity for calling me up hysterical once every week, not because of any sort of family trauma or because she actually wants to talk to me but because she has just read this blog.  She maniacally laughs over the phone quite loudly while trying to explain to me what she is laughing about in which I consistently reply "What?  What?  What?" and never seem to get the answer.

In between maniacal cackles she gets morosely serious and says that she has "a few suggestions," which follow for your pleasure and well-being:

1. In a motherly way, she asked me to please not us the word Fuck and to kindly replace it with Fudge.  We'll see.

2.  While I wouldn't normally do this I am adding her suggestion; because I challenged her eggplant parmesan in an earlier post, she had to challenge me right back.  "Just one suggestion..." (as if there is only JUST ONE),  When breading the eggplant, it is wise to dip it in flour before dipping it in egg and then the bread crumbs.   And you know what?  I hate to admit this, considering I spent a great deal of my teenage years proving my mother wrong, but she is absolutely right and that is how anything breaded should be prepared.  HOWEVER, I chose to not do this because unlike a breaded dish that is standing alone, I feel that the eggplant doesn't need to hold its breading and that a slightly breaded and less floured (and healthier) eggplant will suffice.  Upon noting this over the phone, she said "Well, it didn't seem very breaded..."  You decide.

3. She suggested that I offer a post one day to everyone's comments.  I noted that she could leave a comment at the end of the post.  Unsatisfied, she requested some air time.  So mom, if you really have an opinion, feel free to write something up and I'll be happy to post it.

She's a pretty good cook, too.

And because she's a good sport, I'd like to point out one other thing:  She has become my greatest ally.  Luckily for me, she knows all of the people I make jabs at and she happily tells them to read my blog and points them directly to the post in which I make fun of them.  Thanks, mom.

And now, to the side dish.

This is a side dish that fondly reminds me of my mother.  Though, this ain't the boxed dish she'd make.  This shit's homemade!  (I didn't say Fuck).

BROCCOLI CHEDDAR RICE


What you'll need: 


2 cups brown rice
4 cups vegetable broth or chicken broth (HOLD THE BEEF)
1 tsp olive oil
8 oz of sharp cheddar (the sharper the better...I like to use 10 year aged, because I'm a snob)
1/2 cup milk or soy milk or whatever
1 tbsp butter
1 broccoli crown, chopped up 
Pinch of salt
Pepper to taste


This is a simple side dish that is both delicious the day it's made and as a leftover.  My mom's boxed was good, but I prefer this.

In a pot, add rice and broth.  No need to stir.  Add a drop of olive oil.  Cover and put on high heat until the broth begins to boil and then turn down to a simmer.  Leave for about 20 minutes or until all of the water is gone and the rice is tender.  Sometimes I have problems with rice not getting tender enough and if you have the same problem, just add a little water and let the water boil for a little longer.  Otherwise, you can consider yourself out of luck.

While that cooks put your butter and milk in a sauce pan and begin warming up on low heat.  Chop up your cheese and throw it in and cover.  Keep everything on low heat and stir occasionally.  If you put the heat too high your cheese will curdle and you will be screwed, so be wary.  If it begins to curdle, take it off of the heat IMMEDIATELY like your kitchen is on fire.  When everything is nice and melty add the broccoli.  When the rice is done, add the rice a scoop at a time until it absorbs most of the cheese.  Sometimes this will be all of the rice and sometimes you'll end up not using all of it.  Be careful using too much rice because then it will just be a flavorless fatty dish.  And what's the point of fat if you can't taste it?  YA KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

This is what it will look like:

Lookin' good guys.

Serve it up with something delicious and you've got yourself a great side!

 Even my mother would endorse it.